Dear God

Dear God,
You are amazing. Words cannot explain my deep admiration for your majestic being. People say you don't exist, but its so obvious! I can see you working powerfully, and your presence is within me. They say miracles no longer happen but thats because they don't allow them to occur. All we gotta do is genuinely ask you, but there isn't even enough faith to do that! Thanks for answering me, I understand I haven't won the lottery sometimes you say no because we don't need the dough. Thanks for giving me a brother though, he's worth more than every piece of jewelry, famous pottery, and cash money that ever existed. As the kid I was, not even a true disciple, I prayed every night because I just wanted him so bad. And you left me hanging for awhile with all those miscarriages but at the perfect moment my brother lived. February 24 1998 was the day and I was so happy. Life is so lovely. I can't understand why people still question your existence, its preposterous to claim such coincidence.

Thanks God for putting it in my head to go to Santa Barbara one boring Summer night just to party. Sometimes we have to get scared out of our mind in order to realize reality. And thanks for pain Lord, if I wasn't as hung over that wretched afternoon I might not have thought as deeply about who I wanted to be and how far I was from you. The wall was thicker than the thickest of all because solely showing up to church is worse than not coming at all. I'm sorry for faking people out, trying to fake you out, lying about my lies, and constantly changing the disguise. Who was I? Depends who you ask. I was many different people therefore I was no one. And it wasn't even fun. I was such a great pretender but always on the run. Running from myself or people catching on. Thanks for always knowing and showing me the truth. And thanks for giving me more than enough proof. Thanks for getting me caught and giving me the parents I have. Ones who care about me enough to teach me the most valuable lessons. Thanks for parents who care so much. I love them so dearly please give them the strength to finish this race strong so we can all be with you someday eternally.

If I'm not living for you at any moment please snap me back to reality, please just hurt me again, physically or mentally. Don't let me drift away I need you desperately. No matter what happens I want to labor for you like Paul. I want to suffer for you because I do not want this world to be my heaven. I want to know you, and I want to stop pretending to be fine. Too often I live like I'm some great divine being. But without you I'm just an organized pile of dirt, useless and weak no matter how many pounds I can tweak. And with you I can be anybody. thanks for my talents and all your creativity help me to shine like your stars only to bring you glory. Your the only one that deserves to be glorified if I get zero praise I will still be satisfied because I get to represent you, an ambassador to truth. I will never promote Satan's evil schemes again because sin is simply lies and deceit. When I fall down I will jump back on my feet because your worth fighting for!

Please help me to love Lord like I've never loved before. Help me to love people the way that you loved them whether their rich or their poor. If their hot or their not, if they make fun of me or love me back, if they smoke or have sex, cheat on taxes or rob banks, whether they pretend to go to church or not, if they strip off their clothes to make promiscuous videos or if they hide behind a computer addicted to pornography even if they hate me please continue to show them mercy. Even if they hate you help me to love them still. Because thats what we need to do. I just want to help them BEFORE they have to face you. Please don't let us die today because that would be too late. But help us to change our lives before that scary date. Please I don't want them to gnash their teeth in hell. If people don't rebel from sin that day they'll regret every decision they ever made to go against you.

First day of school...

The break was amazing, but it is officially over... I'm kind of excited to get back into the groove of things, trying to get more disciplined and direct my energy to purpose. This entire week we've been doing a "spiritual boot camp" at 6:30 AM everyday in order to prepare and train ourselves physically and spiritually for the semester. Russ started us off with "step it up" at mount Helix, using Jeremiah 30 and some awesome analogies (escalator, we need to help each other up) some of them even carried people on their backs up a huge flight of stairs! Then Reach preached the word with "running for the prize" I believe at lake murray, using Philippians 3:12-14, 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, and Hebrews 12:1-2. He did an AMAZING job, was one of the best charges I've ever heard and I was just fired up and very proud of him. We did aimless running and then running to a certain item. Today Daniel did "take it higher" using 2 Corinthians 5:17-21 describing how we are Christ's ambassadors (like a US ambassador) and people see who we are and then believe all of Christ's people are that way, therefore we must represent in the best way!, Proverbs 25:26 sometimes we represent Christ with a contaminated view and just like when your super thirsty and go get something to drink but its dirty you get mad, then when people try to drink or listen to us they get a bad impression and don't want to come back..., Matthew 5:27-28, and 5:31-32 demonstrating how Jesus took it way higher challenging the Jews... we jumped up on steps doing sets of like 30 starting with just a stair and then taking it higher to a step about up to our waist! I thought it would be impossible for me but it wasn't! thats the same spiritually we don't know how high we can go or how much we can do until we try, though it looks impossible, it most certainly is!

I get to preach tomorrow and I'm gonna write it HERE but i'm about to go chill with D-Smith so it will have to wait.

THURSDAY 1/21/10

"BEING USEFUL"

Everybody wants to be useful right? We all want to accomplish something, have some kind of progression in our lives... what do you guys want to accomplish? I hope you guys aren't too too mad at me for making you clean this place up... but the reason we did that was to demonstrate that its best to be working to get something done productively. We can say the reason we jump stairs and run is to make our bodies stronger, but how much better is it to accomplish something with that--even if its as lame as cleaning up. In the same way, we absolutely need to "work-out" spiritually, reading, praying, memorizing scriptures, etc. but whats the point in doing that if it has no purpose? Not working AIMLESSLY but PRODUCTIVELY... dont just read, read with a PURPOSE!!! its like what Russ shared at church on Sunday... why do we do things the way we do? well hopefully because theres some kind of positive effect, it works best that way maybe...

2 Timothy 2:20-22

²⁰In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. ²¹If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.

ARE you prepared to do any good work?

How do we become "instruments for noble purposes?" (get rid of the cheap china...?)

²²Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

(NEW LIVING TRANSLATION)

²⁰ In a wealthy home some utensils are made of gold and silver, and some are made of wood and clay. The expensive utensils are used for special occasions, and the cheap ones are for everyday use. ²¹ If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work.

²² Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts!

V 20...Sometimes you got to bust out the expensive china (THAT IS IF YOU HAVE IT...we dont at CPR)

an example of this though... we get all fixed up, fired up after big events like the ICMC or even church every sunday.. but then the next day we kind of just put away the expensive china... the stuff we learned, the goals and decisions we made and save it for later...but if we "CLEANSE ourselves" from the cheap stuff we use on an every day basis, then we will be God's instrument!! he can use us for noble purposes!! IDK about you guys but that fires me up! This is why I brought some dirty dishes over here, because we need to

the reason we looked at the other version is because they substitute the word cleanse for "keep yourself pure."

My first class was chill tho i met a cool guy named Thomas!

KNOWING GOD AND MAKING HIM KNOWN!

Church this week was split up girls and guys. It was one of the most epic services because all the men on staff preached powerfully.

Robert started it off with "The Call of God" introducing our new series of Nehemiah. The following is my notes:

Nehemiah 5

Nehemiah was Artaxerxes' cupbearer which was a very big deal because he was very close to the king.

Nehemiah didn't get a miracle or an angel to grab him and help him in his faith.. Just like us he solely rode on faith and convictions.

Nehemiah 2:12... Let my heart be broken by what breaks God's heart!

pray: if you want me to suffer, I will"

You have been called like Nehemiah was!

Our city is in trouble. Who cares? God certainly does... but do you?????

See fault but don't get negative

See challenges in the church but don't lose faith!

Challenge: GET IN WORD AND PRAY

Our theme: KNOWING GOD AND MAKING HIM KNOWN

John 17:3

Mark Wilkinson continued

Ezra 3:1-6 Worship takes priority!

Practical points

1. Prepare

2. Arrive

3. Participate (you aren't the audience!)

restore the reverence

Ezra 4:5

Theres 2 COMMITTEES: 1. the building committee, and 2. the discouraging committee.

MAYBE you don't get anything out of church because you don't put anything into it

MAYBE you don't get anything out of quiet times because you don't put anything into it

MAYBE you don't get anything out of relationships because you don't put anything into it

MAYBE you don't get anything out of serving because you don't put anything into it

MAYBE you don't get anything out of prayer because you don't put anything into it

MAYBE you don't get anything out of campus ministry because you don't put anything into it

MAYBE you don't get anything out of school because you don't put anything into it

MAYBE you don't get anything out of life because you don't put anything into it

REPENTANCE: Ezra chapeter's 8-9

SIN IS APPALLING, WORLDLINESS IS APPALLING--thats what we got out of!

if you have to explain it then its probably wrong!

REPENTANCE = CHANGE YOUR THINKING, not just BEHAVING!

1 peter 2:9 -- But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

romans 12:2 -- DO NOT CONFORM ANY LONGER TO THE PATTERNS OF THIS WORLD BUT BE TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF YOUR MIND. THEN YOU WILL BE ABLE TO TEST AND APPROVE WHAT GOD'S WILL IS--HIS GOOD PLEASING AND PERFECT WILL

HOLINESS IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HAPPINESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ezra 10:12

SHANE ENGEL--BEING A MAN OF CONVICTION!

Nehemiah 4:1-14... this is where were at! the wall is built and the demons ore after us!

John 10:11-18

wolf is coming and he's hungry. when you blow it deal with it right away!

John 6:60-69

THERES NOTHING OUT THERE! the flesh counts for nothing!

so where you gonna go?

we need to be PROUD of this church!!!!

its not about the singing or preaching but individual convictions

create daily questions

1. Do you realize where you would be without God, the church, etc.?

2. Luke 9:23... where are you denying yourself? how are you taking up the cross daily?

3. Tell me about the time you've spent with god in the last 24 hours

4. 1 john 1:7... What boundaries are you breaching?

5 Romans 8:14

10. Close with words of encouragement Hebrews 3:13

Satan doesn't steal knee pads.. he takes SOULS!

that really should fire you up to want to pin him down!

What were jesus' convictions on...

1. Prayer--

2. Sin--

3. Giving

4. Sacrifice--

5. Loyalty--

6. Death--

A MAN OF ACTION -- Louise M.

one who keeps growing to become more like Jesus!

If you don't do anything you wasted a night

James 2:14

See the needs

1 Peter 1:13-17

John 16:33

Ephesians 2

Are you a man of action?????

Celebrate victories because then you gain confidence!

Post-Utah...RIP Tim B.

Utah was absolutely amazing. Everything went completely smooth except for a few mishaps. Focusing on the positive which far outweighs the negative--the hospitality at Leti and Frank's house was unreal. They made us food every day, even packed us sandwiches to take to the mountain. The first afternoon we checked out this super sick canyon thing behind a high school, it went of for a long time and we did some extreme, potentially life threatening rock climbing through there. Even better was the snowboarding, we all had a great time up there on God's mountain. The first day was rough for Pete but the second day everyone was getting good. Jack and I were going through the woods and launching of jumps and even making jumps like they were nothing. The other 3 got pretty good really fast, quick learners they be! Standing on the 11000 peak at Brian Head was truly amazing, the view is ridiculous and the snowboarding is too. SO MUCH FUN THANK YOU JESUS!!!!

After the long drive home I learned Tim Bresenden died...and i had the opportunity to go to a really cool memorial service at the beach. It was definitely a sad day but more so a happy day because we know he's with God right now. He was a guy I never got the chance to know super well but he definitely set a great example and was the coolest old guy I can remember. It was apparent he touched so many lives.

Gempels, Utah, etc.

First of all, this cool cat from the inland empire named Nick spent the night. Pete and him went to the Chargers game today which we won (beat Washington's first string with our second string!). But it was awesome because Pete led this sick HH meeting about purity using the story of Esau and Jacob in Genesis 25:19-34... he talked about how we cannot let ourselves get spiritually famished like Esau did as he was fighting. Whenever we give into temptation its like were giving our birth rights (to heaven) up for something as insignificant as a small bowl of lentil soup! thats ridiculous.

This morning at church the Gempels did communion, their kind of a big deal since they practically founded our church and started hope worldwide! Very cool to see them. but then Robert got up and preached powerfully about the new year and new beginnings and how we have new chances to do new things and fight new fights and plant new seeds and everything... it was pretty legit he used a GRIP of scriptures (Acts 5, Romans 6, 2 Corinthians 3:6, 2 Corinthians 5:14, Isaiah 57, Luke 2:22, Acts 2:17) he quoted CS Lewis... "The thin places" which are the places that we are at that make us feel closest to God like mountains and beaches, etc.

4 of Robert's goals...

1. Good Disciple

2. Good Husband

3. Good Father

4. Good Brother

challenge for 2010 is to stay hot spiritually

Later we played badminton, ping pong, more ping pong, and ate fajitas. Right now I'm getting ready to go on an epic week trip to Utah. Alec's family owns a mansion in St. George and were gonna be snowboarding in Brian Head. I'm super super super amped and just a little bit scared since all I've done to this point is Big Bear but we'll see what happens! I have no clue how we're gonna fit all our stuff and all our boards in the car but we shall see.

NEW YEAR! past future present

¹²Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.¹³Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

(Philippians 3)

PAST

WOW. 2009 was an amazing year. I feel like i grew so much its ridiculous. Im gonna try to pick out some of the things which stood out to me this year... because the past is awesome but all that its good for is reflection. Many good things happened this year and many bad things happened as well. We can learn from both.

GOOD THINGS (to keep doing): household, being disciplined to excel in school, leading a bible talk, learning how to study the bible with people, studying the bible with people, spending lots of time with John Oakes, spending time with God, taking a bible class (challenging though), trying to read the bible in a year, awesome dates, ICMC, camp counselor,

BAD THINGS (to stop doing): Sin--especially lust, being lazy and selfish too often, getting arrogant about the accomplishments God has made through me, spending too much time on facebook, overanalyzing situations especially with girls, trying to be someone im not, not praying enough, not loving everyone (especially enemies...), not sharing my faith with people close to me (such as classmates and relatives), being insecure, not finishing the bible in a year, READING... lots of spiritual books but really any books,

FUTURE

It is so crucial to have a vision for where you want to be someday. Because if we don't have one than were just doing stuff aimlessly. if you have no goal you will achieve nothing! I've learned from Shane that its important to get radical with goals, because if you don't then your trying to limit God! Strive for a 4.0 even if you have classes that are practically impossible to get A's in! So far i only have 4 major goals and their not necessarily specific to 2010, some might take my entire life to accomplish:

1. Have a better relationship with God than with my closest friends

2. Lead the surf ministry and watch it grow exponentially

3. Make one disciple every year--but more importantly help closest friends each make one as well.

4. Build better deeper relationships with everyone-especially people that you have trouble relating too!

in the wise words of russ we need 20/10 vision in 2010!

PRESENT

Past is necessary for reflection (but you cant change the past so dont dwell in it!)

Future we must have a vision (but if your too caught up in the future you'll never have one)

none of that matters if its not put into action TODAY

matthew 6:34

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself each day has enough trouble of its own!!!!!!

all you need to worry about is today! You can listen now or day dream (night dream...) you can put lessons and goals into practice or procrastinate...

you can set all the new years resolutions you want but if you don't take action then whats the outcome at the end of the year???

You are too concerned with what was and what will be. There is a saying "Yesterday was history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, that is why it is called the present!" (Kung Fu Panda)

its a present from God, he gave you free will, its your choice to use it or not! its like getting a present for christmas as a kid and then never using it when we don't take action.

Challenge: LOOK AT EVERY DAY AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO GET ONE STEP CLOSER TO ACCOMPLISHING YOUR VISION!

you need a perfect balance of all 3

write goals and answer WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY HOW to help put these into practice!